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It’s Summertime and the Living is…Just as Busy as Before???

So many assistants look forward to the long weeks Yoga on beachwhen their employers go off on their family vacations with the kids. We dream of lazy days of rolling into the office after 10:00 am, catching up with friends who didn’t know we were still alive, and checking out all those amazing places you make reservations for your boss during the year (massages and restaurants are at the top of my list).

Many of you will be left with “spare time to-do lists” that never happen. For me that always included my home obligations. Being home more to manage my own repairs or having my kid’s friends over more so they actually experienced a social life was really important! But I was usually the last one offered time off. Everyone must get their vacations in while the principles are out-of-town, but the assistant is  usually left to supervise all the repairs the owners want done while they are gone. Often these plans are made before they go away in repeated comments like, “While I’m gone is a great time to do…”

I remember one Easter week I had to move the contents of a two-story home in Bel Air into storage, have floors replaced, house painted and furnishings moved back in like nothing happened. I did say Easter WEEK! While you may get a hefty bonus for pulling off Mission Impossible-esq duties, it wears very thin. Sometimes you just want to be at the beach.

The solution? Make your lists of what needs to be done and schedule in time for yourself to be off. Make sure you tell your employer that this is the opportunity for you to get time off so you don’t have to take it when they are back and more inconvenienced. Tell the staff too. Remember, the last one to make vacation or stay-cation plans is the one that loses. And yes, they will survive one week without you, even if they have to put someone else in charge.

And no, I’m not completely crazy. You may not be able to turn your phone off but you can minimize the times you have to check it. Set up a time at the end of the day to return emails and leave messages. (If you do it at the beginning of your day you will stress about what you cannot do and this is counter-productive). Make it clear in your vacation voicemail and email responder the times you are available. I learned way too late in this game that if you don’t make time for yourself you will never feel rested, recharged and ready when they return.

Summary—

  1. Plan a to-do list for your employer and schedule when the vendors will work that is realistic and allows for a couple of extra days for delays
  2. Schedule when you will be off within this time frame
  3. Make sure EVERYONE is aware of the time you are off (this includes vendors)
  4. Make sure you have elected someone in charge to make decisions, cleared by your employer, and tell the vendors in advance
  5. Program your voicemail with a message that your are off and when you can respond and leave the number of  who is in charge in your absence
  6. Program your email with a vacation auto responder to notify everyone that you may cannot get back to them and leave the email of the person designated to respond in your absence
  7. Enjoy your time off!  Your family will not care how hard you worked for them. It’s the memories you create with them that count.

Sign off

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Move Easy-Top 5 Things to do to Make Your Move Easy

One of the things we do as assistants is move homes, imageswell not on our backs, but our employers move…a lot. They buy new homes, vacation homes, remodel, re-decorate on the regular, or just create whole new environments. What’s more, you may be in charge of getting their extended family organized and moved-mother, father’s, and kids off to college. I have had all of these scenarios. And you know what? It is always a process and things do go wrong. But after years of experience, you have a back up plan, right? Most moves I’ve done are with the family on vacation or out of town. It’s not our stuff so we may not know where to place things. Clear communication with your employer before the move is essential. Tag items that are being sold, staying in storage as well as what is returning and to which room. One of the best ways to make sure you are thinking like your employer or where they want things is to look at where they came from. Here are the top 5 things to make your move easy and eliminate stress: 1)    Create a realistic schedule and system, with a built in buffer for unexpected hiccups—There are many components to a move and trust and hire experts – packers, movers, storage, proper art removal and art storage, piano movers, computer removal, electronics removal, construction cleaners, organizers. Make sure you understand what each of these specialists needs to do their job expediently yet carefully. Create a timeline so you do not overlap your scheduling of vendors. It should consistently flow. 2)    Organize the move out as much as the move in  – clearly mark boxes that correspond to where they came out of so they can go back into the same area. It’s best to color code a room so the boxes from that room have the same colored sticker on the outside. When the boxes come in, they go into the correct room to unpack them. (Kitchen-red, bathrooms-blue, girl’s room-pink, boys room-blue, baby’s room-yellow, etc.) Idiot proof it. 3)    When packing, you should be careful not to mix areas in the same box. Don’t pack drawer 5 contents with drawer 6 unless it is clearly delineated in the box where drawer 5 ends and drawer 6 starts. It is better to use more boxes if that means you’re not mixing contents from one area with another. Trust me, unpacking is a breeze this way. Make sure all cash, jewelry, and valuables are handled by your employer. They should put the contents of any safes in their safety deposit box at their bank. 4)    Take photos – they are worth their weight in gold. You may or may not remember what you packed but if you photograph the area you packed before you pack it, it will eliminate needless writing on boxes and searching when you’re looking for what you want to unpack. Photograph the whole house, even inside of drawers prior to packing. 5)    Make sure everyone understands your system—Your system is no good if those helping you do not understand and implement it for success. And don’t micromanage. Consistently spot check on the work being done but be respectful of others and their abilities. Don’t forget, it takes a lot more time to move in than out since beds must be made, items must be re-hung in closets, glasses and dishware may need to be re-cleaned, rugs need to be measured and placed, and all items organized neatly. This really can happen without stress and it will be a big accomplishment when it is all finished. Sign offP.S. Make sure to thank everyone involved. You may be the grand coordinator but make no mistake; you can’t do it by yourself and give credit where credit is due.

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Women Supporting Women Rock

I had a heartwarming experience lately with the most unlikely of persons. imagesI say unlikely because the old paradigm of competition in business, with women in general, is changing. The Internet is giving women an opportunity to start businesses and reach the masses like never before. And with more women doing business with other women, a new level of support and authenticity is emerging.

I grew up in a time when you were encouraged to climb to the top and kick over the ladder when you got there so you couldn’t be followed up. Women were taught that to compete in a man’s world, you had to think and behave like one to get ahead. I can still painfully remember the first time I was betrayed by my good friend in the workplace yet I  never had it in me to do what some women feel they must.

I’ve always believed that what works for a man, is not the same for a woman. While we can out-think the best of them, we aren’t wired to communicate and strategize in the same ways. The authors of the new book “Mean Girls at Work” offer an exclusive take on how men and women differ at the office. Their conclusion, to paraphrase one bestseller: “men are from the combat zone, women are from the support circle.” [1]

My heartwarming experience came from a confident woman who encouraged me to do what she is doing, to be a competitor. I prefer to support and mentor assistants one-on-one, but Bonnie Low-Kramen has been training groups for well over a decade teaching workshops on everything you will encounter in this profession.[2] Not only did she encourage what I was doing but helped me to make connections with others to expand my business. And she hipped me to an amazing new book by the COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, a woman who is “kick-starting modern feminism in the workplace.”[3] My good friend Dee Morrison at www.lagirl13.com is always there to advise, and give me an impromptu and amazingly accurate tarot or astrology reading.[4] Marie Forleo, Ali Brown and Sharla Jacobs are all women who are changing the way women do business. A large part of their training is in supporting, connecting and listening to your customers and they’ve all built six and seven figure businesses doing so!

So while the ruthless are still among us, I know things are changing for the better and Bonnie proved me right.  I encourage you to see your business and everyone you encounter with fresh eyes and a willingness to inquire how you can help them. I wish you all love and success!

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Personal Assistant – Personal Integrity

Be true to youOften a friend and I joke that because we’ve been personal assistants so long and having put up with so much abuse in our early years, I began to say we are “Damaged Goods.” We became numb to reality, numb to outrageous requests, numb to personal attacks, numb to  unreasonable workdays, work schedules and ill-intentioned people. But we are not without responsibility. We were young and dumb but boy have we learned. We have learned that when your work situation is so far off from what you personally consider reasonable and manageable, you’ve got to make an important decision for yourself, for your personal integrity.

Michael Jackson’s lifestyle is a perfect example of this situation. Some people in his household were willing to take the paycheck while turning a blind eye to some things that ended up being fatal for their employer. They put up with the lunacy because they knew they would just be replaced. It’s a very hard call. You are powerless to change things so you must make a decision to conform or quit. Either way the behavior will continue with or without you.

One of the things I teach assistants is that if you are not at all compatible with your employer:

1) Plan an exit strategy. Plan when you want to have a new job and when you will give notice. Work that plan. And for some, that may mean a completely different industry.

2) Don’t discuss or berate your employer for their ways with others. It solves absolutely nothing except promoting more bad energy. You have power by not allowing yourself the mindset of being victimized. You know you have choices.

3) Give notice and say simply that you don’t think this job is for you any longer and that you are giving notice. That’s okay. You don’t need to elaborate. You don’t need to point out instances where they were wrong and you were right. Explain that you intend to give adequate notice and do your job in the same manner until the two weeks are up and are committed to still being the same loyal and dependable assistant during this transition.

Believe me, you are doing them a favor. No one wants someone in their home who is judging them or who has a difference of opinion of their every decision.

At the end of the day it all boils down to having personal integrity. No one can tell you what that is for you. Everyone has their own barometer of what is their “last straw” when they will say, “I have to live with me, do what’s best for me, I cannot condone this and so I must quit.”

Sign Off

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Handling Bad Behavior

If I had to say I had any regrets as a personal assistant for 23+ years, it is the fact that I put up with people behaving badly and made them think it was okay, condoning it by acceptance. When I say bad behavior, it is frankly, a understatement to the 10th degree! Now that I am older and more experienced, and definitely, more confident in my position, I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting me.

Now let’s face it, you won’t have a job for very long if you make your employer wrong, humiliated, or if they think you have nothing but distain for them. But how do you do your job when you do? After all, not every day is going to be easy.

What I found is when I look at all the circumstances of what made them react there is usually some fear behind their reaction or behavior—fear from not knowing what they think they should, fear that they won’t be respected if they don’t seem to be in control, fear of leprauchauns…who knows? All I know is I could usually see a pattern in why they got upset and how they handled it. And while I didn’t feel sorry for them, I also learned to distance myself from the outcome, not being personally affected emotionally. I found the best way to handle an outburst was dead silence. By remaining silent until the tirade is over, I don’t condone, don’t outwardly disagree, I just observe. And you know what? It is like a child who’s tantrums no longer get a reaction. There is no fun in it. And I no longer felt like a participant in their bad behavior. By not reacting I could live with myself and yes, they may want to find someone else who reacts in the manner they are seeking.

So make sure you set your boundaries early on in a job. What applies best is the old saying, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I apply that to bad behavior. The first time your boundaries are challenged, the monster has raised its ugly head and now you know what you’re up against. Now you can make a decision on how you want to handle it should it happen again. When things calm down you can have the conversation about what happened and how you were made to feel uncomfortable or disrespected. Maybe it can be a productive conversation? At the very least, they have been warned, right? So now, when it happens again, you have to enforce your decision, whatever that is. And no one will be surprised when you leave since you were clear on your boundaries.

You see, jobs will come and go but me, myself and I are together for the long haul.

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Confidentiality, Confidentiality, Confidentiality…and did I mention Confidentiality?

You know, the quickest thing to get you fired in this business is a breach of your employer’s confidentiality. The quickest thing to get appreciation is keeping your employer’s secrets. Common sense right?

Your job as an assistant to a celebrity draws a lot of attention to you. People are curious and have questions. And there are plenty of magazines willing to pay you for those secrets you keep. Have you ever heard the phrase, “you’ll never work in this town again?”  Well remember it. Not only will your fellow assistants want nothing to do with you if you are a blabbermouth, no employer will ever want you within 5 miles of them.

Remember, all that attention you’re getting is not about you. Be careful who you speak to and especially who you let into your employer’s home. The simple, easy, and truthful response to curious people is, “I cannot discuss my employer. I have confidentiality agreement.” The insatiable media and curious questions will always be there and remember, it is insatiable. So don’t go down that road and you won’t find yourself regretting it.