Blog – Page 4 – Extreme Assistants

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May 13, 2013

Working for Free is Called Slavery-Get Involved

Anyone who has worked in a home as a personal assistant, nanny, housekeeper, caretaker, driver, major domo, house manager etc. should be paying special attention to a California Domestic Worker’s Bill AB241. Assemblyman Tom Ammiano’s office summarized, “It is focused on ensuring six rights for domestic workers: 1) overtime; 2) meal and rest breaks; 3) three paid sick days; 4) workers’ compensation; 5) the right to use kitchen facilities; and 6) the right to have some hours for sleep (eight hours recommended, with some possible exceptions). The previous bill also included cost of living increases, 30 days notice of termination and Cal OSHA protections, all of which have been omitted from the current version.”

Modern day slavery isn’t a new problem. As long as there have been people who work in other’s homes, there has been a need to clarify and specify the pay structure and job responsibilities of employees. It is one of the last industries that often and purposely ignore state labor laws and it’s an accepted mindset of employers that needs changing.

Most publicly we recently saw this with Lady Gaga not acknowledging that her assistant, who accompanied her 24/7/365, was entitled to overtime pay. (http://assistantsurvival.wordpress.com/2013/03/01/big-monster-behaving-badly/) The obvious reason workers accept abuse is fear of being replaced. There is no one to enforce the laws, no liaison between the worker and employer and it becomes a contentious relationship you’re fighting your employer to for overtime pay-one that never goes over well.

However, when the employee is hired from an agency, the agencies work on behalf of the candidate and client to make sure the job expectations are outlined, hourly rate agreed on, and time demands clear. Even then, I have seen the responsibilities and hours get skewed once time on the job sets in. But unfortunately, most people do not use an agency to hire someone, settling instead on getting recommendations from their friends for new hires.

So how can a worker protect themselves from miscommunications or uncompensated excessive hours? I recommend going into a position with a written job description or asking for one to make sure you’re all on the same page. It should include the max hours you are expected to work, holidays off, with or without pay—especially if it is a salaried position. It need not be a confrontation, just clarifying so you can make plans and have a life. Frankly it is good for both sides. Email it to your employer, whether they sign it or not. At least they will be aware of your understanding of the position.

Everyone that works in a home (especially live-in employees) should get behind this bill to see it to fruition because there are powers in numbers and awareness in involvement. You can get involved via this link: http://www.domesticworkers.org/news/ca-bill-of-rights

More reading on this topic: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2013/03/07/domestic-workers-california-bill_n_2822520.html?view=print&comm_ref=false

It’s not just happening here: http://www.vancouverobserver.com/life/canada’s-modern-day-slaves-filipina-nannies

May 4, 2013

5 Key Things You Need to Do When Laid Off

Many of my friends are currently out of work and some are starting completely new careers. As a personal assistant who freelances, I’m always “between jobs.” It doesn’t matter if you’re a personal assistant or a CEO, these quick tips are useful to anyone who is in unemployed.

1) Revamp your resume—do so professionally. Make sure it is current with the styles others in your industry are doing. Ask the best headhunter in your industry for a referral on a resume professional. It’s worth the investment.

2) Let people know you are looking for work. While you are fresh in the minds of those you had been working with currently, ask them if they know of anything you can follow up on. Make it easy for them to pitch you by telling them what you are looking for. Give them your resume once it’s redone or at the very least, a bullet pointed list of your strong points. If they have to think too hard about how they can help you, it won’t happen.

3) Analyze your bills and cut out all frills. I don’t care how much money you have saved, cut your bills now (not later). Goodbye 200 premium cable channels, 2,000 minute cell phone plan, Starbucks venti lattes and impulse shopping. You don’t know how long you will be unemployed so start saving now.

4) Become a quick learner of the unemployment department’s system. Find out what benefits you are entitled (or not) with unemployment and apply. This info is crucial to knowing immediately what you can be expecting financially so you can make a budget and begin making payment arrangements with utilities if necessary.

http://www.edd.ca.gov

5) Make it a job to look for a job. Set aside scheduled time daily to follow up and do what you need to do to find work. Meet with friends and others on their lunch hours to catch up and stay connected. Offer them suggestions on how you can help them, for free if need be, with a project. You’ve got the time and they will think of you first when something comes up. Be a solution to their problems and they will appreciate you for it. And network with new friends. Click here to find out what Lindsay Olsen’s blog on how to find groups in your area.

http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2013/04/25/finding-a-job-through-networking-groups

Men are notorious for having their self-esteem tied to what they do. Remember-you are not your job. A job is what you do for a living. You are no less important because you are unemployed. And remember, this is temporary.

April 22, 2013

Personal Assistant – Personal Integrity

Often a friend and I joke that because we’ve been personal assistants so long and having put up with so much abuse in our early years, I began to say we are “Damaged Goods.” We became numb to reality, numb to outrageous requests, numb to personal attacks, numb to unreasonable workdays, work schedules and ill-intentioned people. But we are not without responsibility. We were young and dumb but boy have we learned. We have learned that when your work situation is so far off from what you personally consider reasonable and manageable, you’ve got to make an important decision for yourself, for your personal integrity.

Michael Jackson’s lifestyle is a perfect example of this situation. Some people in his household were willing to take the paycheck while turning a blind eye to some things that ended up being fatal for their employer. They put up with the lunacy because they knew they would just be replaced. It’s a very hard call. You are powerless to change things so you must make a decision to conform or quit. Either way the behavior will continue with or without you.

One of the things I teach assistants is that if you are not at all compatible with your employer:

1) Plan an exit strategy. Plan when you want to have a new job and when you will give notice. Work that plan. And for some, that may mean a completely different industry.

2) Don’t discuss or berate your employer for their ways with others. It solves absolutely nothing except promoting more bad energy. You have power by not allowing yourself the mindset of being victimized. You know you have choices.

3) Give notice and say simply that you don’t think this job is for you any longer and that you are giving notice. That’s okay. You don’t need to elaborate. You don’t need to point out instances where they were wrong and you were right. Explain that you intend to give adequate notice and do your job in the same manner until the two weeks are up and are committed to still being the same loyal and dependable assistant during this transition.

Believe me, you are doing them a favor. No one wants someone in their home who is judging them or who has a difference of opinion of their every decision.

At the end of the day it all boils down to having personal integrity. No one can tell you what that is for you. Everyone has their own barometer of what is their “last straw” when they will say, “I have to live with me, do what’s best for me, I cannot condone this and so I must quit.”

March 30, 2013

5 Things I Wish I Had Done Earlier When I Started as a Personal Assistant

I wish I didn’t think I had to have all the answers.
Matt Groening-Simpson’s creator

It’s okay to say, “I don’t know but I’ll find out,” and do – fast.

I wish I didn’t take people at face value because sometimes they have agendas that may not include you, or they may use you to make themselves look better. Listen to their words, but watch their actions. It’s good to know the people you are working for. Yes, your employer may be a liar but they will soon know they can’t BS you. You’ve got to work together.

I wish I had taken over work sooner. Sitting back and waiting to be invited for an employer to delegate a task makes us both frustrated. Just jump in and tackle what needs to be done. Even if I overstepped the boundaries, my enthusiasm was usually understood and appreciated.

I wish I had requested help earlier for a second assistant or runner. I cannot and did not need to do it all. It is not a sign of weakness to need help. Sometimes the workload has grown exponentially. Working overtime and weekends is not the answer.

I wish I didn’t think I always had to pretend that my employer or their significant other told me something they didn’t. Reiterate the conversation you remember having and politely correct them. Soon the offender will understand you either have a very good memory or take very good notes. Often it’s a tactic they use with others but again, they will learn it doesn’t work with you and you cannot be the scapegoat.

March 1, 2013

Big Monster Behaving Badly

Okay, so there is not a personal assistant out there who has not been left with their mouth hanging open because their employer said something so outrageous to them that they cannot even respond. Even the most Teflon coated of PA’s has had these moments.

Why do people say the most outlandish things and expect their assistants not to bat an eye? Because you are in their home and in their world. They are comfortable. They are being themselves and able to let their guard down; because everyone says things without a filter; because you signed up to be there and be their confidant and right hand; and if they have to watch every word that comes out of their mouth, like they do when they are in front of the paparazzi, that’s not the refuge of “home.”

However, and this is huge, YOU always have the choice how you respond, take abuse or not. So many assistants take abuse and become silently and deliberately passive-aggressive. Don’t go there. Do both of you a favor and quit first. Start looking for another job when the kitchen gets too hot. Life is too short and if you’re good, there are other jobs for you. Contrary to popular belief, they will not ruin you. Move on.

This blog was inspired by Lady Gaga’s recent verbal vomit spewed on her assistant in a deposition. She forgot she wasn’t at home and more importantly, forgot her assistant was not traveling and working 24 hr. days voluntarily. Even worst, maybe she didn’t forget and believes her own hype? Day in and day out, performers are especially revered and some forget they are just like their assistants: living-breathing-human-being. Celebrities have chosen a field where they are worshiped for a job well done, but they are no better than any one of us, agreed?

Now anyone who has been a celebrity assistant knows the tabloid writers consider it their duty to write stories of complete and utter fantasy to sell rags and those I don’t comment on. But this was from court documents, so it allows me to illustrate the extreme dysfunction of this relationship that was not only blurring the lines but in a complete fog! These two, Gaga and her assistant, are both responsible. If you’re partying with your employer and not there to look out for them or manage the party, but are wearing their clothes and drinking until the wee hours, sharing their bed, you’ve gotten very confused. You can’t have it both ways. If you’re taking a paycheck, do the job. If you’re their friend, don’t take the paycheck. Which is it?

What a lot of people don’t understand is that some celebrities don’t have time for friendships or don’t trust the ones they have. The assistant may become one of the few people they can trust. And that’s a good thing and you both must respect this situation. But they can get confused too. Are you their friend or expect to be paid for every minute you are with them? Get is straight from the beginning. Negotiate travel arrangements. Do you get paid for being away from your family? Absolutely. If your employer needs you there 24/7 you will be in the private jet, staying in the high-end hotel, drinking $10 bottled water from your hotel mini bar and ordering $30 hamburgers on the room service menu because you are there for their convenience. They don’t have McDonald’s at the Four Seasons. But remember to say thanks when you’re employer does something special, if they give you expensive gifts, or invite you (when you’re not working) to an opening or party.

Don’t misunderstand me, you’re entitled to be human and care about those you are working with and should, but don’t get caught up in the lifestyle. It’s their life, not yours. Create your perfect life. Enjoy your family. Don’t get caught up in breathing that rarefied air or you may believe your own hype.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/gag_comes_off_gaga_lawsuit_fiery_Lhfr37x9GtF2mtKX1whpPN

January 23, 2013

This Too Shall Pass – Getting Perspective on Making Mistakes

I was talking to a childhood friend of mine who is an anesthesiologist. What he liked best about his job is that every day he is challenged to do his best, because anything less can mean death for his patient. Wow, and I think I am under pressure at work?

The personal assistant’s job, while challenging and rewarding at times, also puts you first on the firing line. Too often we do 1,000 things right only to be judged for that one thing that goes wrong. I know of what I speak since I am my worst prosecutor. Sometimes we get caught up in the drama of the moment or the daggers being thrown at us. We can either take them in the gut or catch them in our teeth (your choice).

The first thing to do is to acknowledge your mistake and why you made it. This includes taking full responsibility in your part and identifying what part others played. This is important because you will learn from this on how to (or not) proceed working with them in the future. Once you’ve learned the lesson by determining what you will do differently the next time, you must address any feeling of inadequacy you are having about the experience. For me, it’s all about getting back your perspective.

One little coping mechanism I have for when things go horribly wrong and I am beating myself up is what I call my point-of-view cam. I picture myself in my home dealing with whatever problem, tragedy or issue that I think is beyond me. In my mind, I pan out to the bigger surrounding of my home (similar to Google’s “birds eye view”) of my neighborhood, then the city, state, continent, from the moon, from our solar system, and beyond. And myself, which has now become an infinitesimal dot, makes me realize it’s not that bad in the grand overall scheme of things. I have also learned that whatever issue that is bothering me now will not be one year from now. This, along with my doctor friend’s story, jolts me to reality as well.

Coping mechanism number two: sit back and put things in context by remembering people are poor, children are fighting for their lives, people are dying, parents have lost children. You will not be able to look at your “crisis” the same way. If other’s won’t let it go, then they’ve got to deal with it in their own way. By addressing the issue and letting others know you’ve taken responsibility and learned should lighten their load of knowing it won’t happen again.

I do my best to get the lesson in the experience and then I do an even better job of telling myself to “gettova it!”